haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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