; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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