Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
