We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize