Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
