Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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