We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
