Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
