i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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