i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
