Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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