I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
