dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
