Your tits are I can't wait for
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize