they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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