feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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