You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
