you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
