either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
