can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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