How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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