im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
