genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
