HIV tests are more positive than that guy
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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