I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Shame - the story of my life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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