you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
