Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
