i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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