Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
