"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
vagina is talking i cant
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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