A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
