Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
