things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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