I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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