i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What drink are we having for lunch?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
