The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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