i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
