and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
