I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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