I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
