Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
