dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
