i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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