I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
