remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
