Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
