Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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