Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
