Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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