He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
