Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
