Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
