That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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