mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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