You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
