Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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