For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
