My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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