So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm always down for nudity.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
