I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize