He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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