i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
