He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize