I can't breathe out the right side of my face
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
