At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
