ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
