you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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