How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
