I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
