i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
