Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
