so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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