Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
