last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
