I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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