I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
