So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
