i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
