If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
