if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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