we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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