The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
