The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
