saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
