i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
